Fifty Shades of Red, White and Blue

In an audacious attempt to capture the youth vote, UKIP have payrolled and released the raunchy film ‘Fifty Shades of Red, White and Blue’ which will be rolled out across cinemas for the coming weekend. Critics are divided by what to think of this film; some are calling it a simple attempt to grab cash by piggybacking Fifty Shades of Grey, while others are calling it a triumph of British values overcoming the sordid depictions of sex for other media outlets. We catch up with the writer and director of UKIP’s first pic for the inside story.

“We wanted to bring British values to a new platform, to help educate the youth while also showing them what UKIP stand for” says the film’s director. “And that is why this film, following a young couple in their early days of courtship, shows the act of sexual congress in truly British fashion- Which of course means sex, in a bed, under the sheets, with the lights off, and no talking; exactly how sex should be.”

“Yes some may have criticised the film for having a three minute scene which is completely dark with no sound, but we wanted to capture and show the true British experience, and we believe that this film has done that. The British way is not with all of these whips and chains like the seedy American film; the only whips in our film is during the racy visit to Royal Ascot! Nor is it like all Jewish people who have sex with a sheet in between the couple. I dread to think how people have sex in Ting Tong Land or Bongo Bongo Land; I can only assume that this is just outdoors, in the dirt for most people. That is only going to lead to people picking up infections which would put a terrible strain on the NHS; a true British institution!”

So, only time will tell whether this film will be a success for UKIP, but just prior to a General Election it is certainly a brave move!
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If you enjoyed this blog why not check out other similar posts:
– How might the story of Jesus sound under a UKIP government? A televised speech from Nigel Farage: https://sayitin500.wordpress.com/2014/12/30/how-might-the-story-of-jesus-sound-under-a-ukip-government-a-televised-speech-from-nigel-farage/

– Nigel Farage wins stand-up comedy’s Perrier Award: https://sayitin500.wordpress.com/2014/10/17/nigel-farage-wins-stand-up-comedies-perrier-award/

– BBC Film 2114 Review of ‘12 years a Foodbank User’: https://sayitin500.wordpress.com/2014/06/30/bbc-film-2114-review-of-12-years-a-fooodbank-user/

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How might the story of Jesus sound under a UKIP government? A televised speech from Nigel Farage

“We at UKIP are pleased to be able to announce that the extremist fugitive known as Jesus Christ has been arrested.

As I’m sure all you good, beautiful, working people of Britain know, Jesus was an immigrant; an immigrant to planet earth; stowing away in Mary’s womb to illegally come to live in our pleasant and green pastures, where he was not wanted.

He came and took a traders job, of carpentry, that could have gone to a non-immigrant; he came without a working Visa, using a flimsy cover story of going to work for his father, Joseph, while also claiming an immaculate conception- it’s a story which didn’t add up and we were quick to spot this during intensive interrogation.

He came and quickly started preaching his new religion to a planet that didn’t have his religion. UKIP were quick to act and started surveillance on him when we realised that this Jesus was a religious zealot, preaching religious extremism. We heard stories of delusions of grandeur; he claimed to be able to heal the sick which, although nonsense in itself, we saw as an attempt to steal more work from good, honest NHS workers, who may not all be as British as we like but that’s something you know that we at UKIP are working on. He was heard to be giving directions on how to fish in our own North Sea, telling fishermen where they should be casting their nets. And it was actions like this that led to people following him; giving up their work to take up a life of crime with said individual.

It was at this time we knew we had the evidence to bring a criminal case against this self-proclaimed son of God.

The authorities were able to apprehend him following a tip-off from a good, British, hard-working man called Judas. We apprehended Jesus and have been able to deal with him as our law courts see fit.

Some say that UKIP have been barbaric and out of date in bringing back crucifixion but you see characters like this and you can understand why we have and it helps us have a system that works for the hard-working non-immigrant people of the UK. He has been crucified and his body stored in a cave, in-line with new UKIP legislation.
We want to send a message to all out there; stay out of our country and if you don’t you too may face crucifix too, Farage is the only messiah! Thank you”

Nigel Farage wins stand-up comedy’s Perrier Award

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A result that most pundits are calling a huge surprise from an outsider the stand up comedian Nigel Farage has scooped one of the most prestigious prizes in comedy, the Perrier Award at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

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Nigel Farage’s brand of political comedy and satire is something that has not been seen before, and it has certainly held great sway with the judges here in Edinburgh. Farage, known for his comical gurning and blokey tone with the audience, is straight from the school of Al Murray pub landlord; always with a pint  in hand and the grin of a madman on his face. But he goes further than Al Murray by delivering a cuttingly ironic far right brand of comedy that cuts close to the bone.

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One judge said that “his routine about the President of the EU is one of the most hilarious things he had ever seen”. A routine which also went down well with audiences who were rolling with laughter in the aisles.

“You have the charisma of a damp rag, and the appearance of a low-grade bank clerk” scathingly says about the EU President Van Rompuy. he continues saying “you appear to have a loathing for the very concept of a nation-state- perhaps that’s because you come from Belgium, which is pretty much and non-country!”

It seems one of the reasons people find Farage’s stand up so irresistibly funny is down to the fact that it almost looks as if he believes what he is saying. He says the most risible, rude, racist things and when you look in his eyes you can see he is totally selling his performance to us; its a new brand of ironic stand up that people are really taking to.

Anothe judge said “it’s like the return of spitting images- you have the comedy, but there’s no need for puppets when you have Nigel Farage gurning at you!”

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Farage talks ironically of harsh policies that single out certain sectors of society apparently just for existing, and living in a place that’s a bit nicer to live than the place they were born. Our favourite is:
‘Prioritise social housing for people whose parents and grandparents were born locally’
Hilariously penalising all who don’t stay living around where their grand parents lived- “yes I know your grand parents were killed in the holo cause but that was no reason for your parents to flee their country!” Plus it penalises ‘English’ people who just moved to a different part of the country to look for work- “I know Thatcher closed down the mines in the North but that was no good reason to start looking for a job down South!” Hilarious policy idea!
He also has sketches on why women decrease the value of business because they only run away have kids and lose the client base.

Plus the act is made even better by an excellent up and coming musical comedian Mike Reid, Farage’s warm-up act, and his performance of the edgy UKIP Calypso which blends far right racist comedy and calypso music in a mix of irony that would make Mike look like a totally fascist loon if it wasn’t for that fact he was being ironic!

The judges commended Farage for using his satire to put a spot light on how ludicrous far right policies can sound. He’s been an absolute success and we here can only hope that we see more of Farage’s stand up routines in the future!

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